Posts Tagged ‘rant’

I lied.

I am not in the holiday spirit.  I wouldn’t give away bees.  Not even killer bees.  Dear anonymous friend, true confession: I don’t like the Holidays.

They make me go, “Bah Humbug.”

December drags me down.  When I feel it coming, I put up my privacy fence and don my crash helmet.  I get quiet.  I let it win.

I enjoy the opportunity for a little introspection.  Did you notice how I didn’t blog, for like, a year?  I was introspecting.  The people around me get down too.  The cold is too wet, the cold is too dry, the cold is too cold, etc.  Instead of introspecting, they get festive.  They force themselves out in public, to parties, and on the roads.  They make bad decisions about speed, holiday sweaters, and political opinions to angrily share with relatives.

While you celebrate your holiday this year, whether grump or elf, take a few minutes out of your day and allow yourself to say aloud, “Fuck all this plastic shit.  Fuck everything in my year that wasn’t good.  Fuck everything that didn’t work and fuck this stupid sweater.”

Follow that simple step for a merry and bright new year.


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I am trying to sell a table on Craigslist. My potential customer can’t spell you. Or punctuate. Or NOT USE CAPS LOCK>>>

I hope she buys my table before I bust out a rudimentary grammar lesson. It should be obvious that I don’t care quite as much as Mr. Personality, but come on. It’s “You”.

“You sell table.  I want to buy it.”  See?  Not hard.

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Just something temporary that I can make a few extra bucks. They promote it heavily towards people with jobs by saying “Flexible Evening and Weekend Hours” all over their promotional materials.

However, I can’t find a place to schedule the test/interview before 2pm. If I have a real job, do you think I’m going to skip work to come and take this test? How are these flexible hours?

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My workspace is being overrun by mice.  These mice are taking over for the spiders which seem to have vanished.

I don’t care one way or another for mice, however in the Southwestern United States, I do have to be careful about catching Hanta Virus from their droppings.

I shouldn’t, but I’m panicking a bit.  This work environment has been particularly toxic to me with mold, dirt, &  filthy filthy.  I’m considering dumping a handful of Prozac into a jar of Skippy(r) and leaving it underneath the crawlspace.

If the rats don’t OD, maybe they will wander out into public with fuzzy brains and get eaten by some of these starving Bald Eagles and lonesome coyotes (wearing little red bandannas, naturally).

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Yesterday, I drove around my block twice to avoid talking to my elderly neighbor.   The first time she was getting out of the car and bringing her purse into the house.  The second time I drove by, she was walking to her mailbox which put her even closer to my drive.  I’m slightly ashamed and slightly proud.  Do other people so frequently go to such great lengths to avoid looking at or speaking to someone?

I have chatted with her on many occasions, but yesterdday it sounded like it would just put me over the top.   I have a backlog of really shitty half-drinky blog posts mostly ready to roll.  Before, (before what?) I would have just let them go, into the wild.  It’s like I’m self-editing before I get the chance to say it.  Avoiding the neighbors, avoiding blogging, avoiding exercise.   They seem related, but I can think of a different reason I avoid each one.

I am not sure if this is me growing up and being more honest about my self-censorship or if there is a real skill that i’m losing, lost or never had.   It could also be a generational thing, or a medicational thing, or maybe I was sleepy.  I don’t recall my parents ever doing such a thing, even if they were tired, however.

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I did it again. I set a goal to lay out an editorial calendar for this blog similar to this guy and I’ve failed to do so. Mostly because I was told to develop an editorial calendar for work and now I don’t want to do it at home too.

It’s creating the feeling that I can’t  escape my job when it’s over.   It’s ridiculous. The number of calls I get from work, about work, for work;  the time of day they come in…

I got a call at 5:50 am for school closures. It’s very important information, my job is so important that I can’t even leave work 30 minutes early to  beat the snow without being asked “What is going on with [you]?”

I recently decided that I would be more in the present.  At work, at home, I was not going to imagine my beautiful future in six months (news on that forthcoming).  I would complete what needs and should be done right, right now.   I’m such a contrarian that now that I’ve been told to do so, I am not going to be capable of it.

Perhaps that’s an excuse, or perhaps I should be allowed to do my job as I see fit without fear of the shower of criticism that follows.  Will it take a direct course or will it be about a hundred tiny little things unrelated to a real problem?

Oh yeah, I’m blogging about my job.  And I like it.

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About my Uncle…

Sometimes, I swear that my godfearing, godloving uncle only gets on facebook when he is drunk.

In the past hour, he has posted seven updates.  The quantity is not unheard of, unless it’s the same phrase over and over again.  Tonight, it’s iterations of “Trust in Jesus” “I trust Jesus with my future” “Jesus takes care of my children… in the future”

These can be beautiful thoughts when they aren’t facebook spam.  When he isn’t meming himself into a coma.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t know it, but he is a bit of an ass.

My uncle is on his third marriage.  He initiated the first two divorces.  He has seven biological children and I don’t even know how many are steps.  I’ve not met any of my second cousins–the spawn of his spawn.  I know they exist.

Now he is giving the world moral advice and I’m having a lot of trouble accepting it personally and recommending it to others.  I don’t think I will.

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